You don’t try to sell grumpy, old, white people hot dogs, or ice cream, or soda pop, or fried chicken, when they have all lost their brains and gone on a goofy tea party binge. You sell them tea.
Did you know that Rush Limbaugh is now a tea merchant? Recently, Limbaugh began hawking his new tea product, Two If By Tea, on his radio show. It retails at $23.76 a case, which works out to about $2 per bottle. Nice markup for what essentially is tap water flavored with a few tea leaves.
The tea is only available online at Limbaugh’s tea company website. Of course it is: Most responsible shoppers would almost certainly picket stores that sell anything manufactured by this obnoxious radio clown.
Today, while on the air, Limbaugh almost wet himself, so pleased was he at this independent description of the new product: “tea packaged as patriotism.” The tea bottles depict the porky right-wing talker as a faux Paul Revere character. (In his radio advertising, Limbaugh grandly describes himself as “a modern-day Rush Revere.”)
Doesn’t Limbaugh, who constantly blabbers about tying “half my brain behind my head to make things fair,” understand that this is an insult, not a compliment? Whoever made this comment was simply stating what is obvious from the talk show host’s cynical packaging and marketing of his new product: by selling tea at this time, Limbaugh plans to exploit for cash all of the current phony-boloney patriotism of the tea party nuts.
Making Patriotism Pay
You can almost see the rusty gears grinding away inside Limbaugh’s fat head: “With all of the recent tea party talk, I’ll sell the tea party crowd a tea product with a patriotic message, something that harkens back to revolutionary times.
“I’ll make it a premium-priced item, even though tea partyers can buy a similar product in any supermarket at less than half the cost.
“And because most of my zombie dittoheads [editor’s note: regular listeners to Limbaugh’s idiotic radio show] are also tea partyers, they all will lap up my tea, no matter what outlandish price I charge for it. I’ll make it their patriotic duty to do so, every day, right over the radio. I’ll sell more tea than Lipton!”
Capitalizing on the Misfortune of Others
On July 4, Independence Day, Limbaugh had the gall to horn in on the people of Joplin, Missouri, who had gathered together in civic comity after a deadly tornado ripped apart much of their city in late May, killing 159 people.
Limbaugh used this solemn gathering to brazenly interject himself, make a banal speech, and pass out free bottles of his stupid tea to weary Joplinites. (I’ll bet the hard-pressed Joplin merchants who hoped to make a few bucks from their refreshment stands were happy that Limbaugh and his free tea had showed up at the scene.) El Rushbo certainly knows a great PR opportunity when he sees one. – Mickey Murphy © 2011 MMMurphy
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